Wednesday, October 09, 2002

Outgoing, confident, and a menace

So MSN thinks I'm a bad driver.

I took this quick little survey and was shocked to find out that the only people dumber than those depicted in the test were those administering the test.

From the site:

Do you hate driving behind SUVs or other large vehicles that obstruct your view?

Jesus Christ, doesn't everybody?!?! Oh, silly me! I'm a bad driver! I hate having an unobstructed view of the road! I know, I know, that jackass in front of me in the Escalade has every right to be driving that thing by himself. You know, he justified the purchase by saying he could go offroading and take the kids to hockey practice, but why not drive it to work every day too?

More than 60% of bad drivers say they are frustrated driving behind SUVs because they are wide and tall and block their vision. In fact, more than 70% believe SUVs should be required to drive in a separate lane on the highway.

Wait...more than 60% if bad drivers say they're frustrated? How about the 100% of the "good" drivers?!? Or pretty much everyone who isn't driving a fucking behemoth, schoolbus, eighteen wheeler, or Bantha. And what's wrong with requiring SUVs to drive in separate lanes on the highway? Last I checked an SUV was big enough to qualify as a truck, and around here, trucks are required to drive in the right lanes on a multi-lane highway. Oh wait, now I'm just being a grumpy bad driver again.

Does your driving change when you go into areas with higher police presence?

Does a bear shit in the woods? Is gravity a known constant? I'd like to know who doesn't slow down when pigs are in sight. Oh, fuckit, it's only a cop. Speed up.

Nearly all of the participants strongly agree with the statement that they drive more carefully when they know police are in the area.

It's a relief to hear that nearly all of the participants of this survey weren't severely retarded and can recognize when to slow the fuck down.

In addition, most participants say they check their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars.

What's that? Bad drivers check their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars? BAD drivers? If they're checking their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars, that means they're checking their rearview mirrors regularly, and seeing as that little habit was drilled into my skull by my driving instructor in high school, I fail to see how that behavior is a bad one.

Outgoing, confident, and a menace

In the section that follows this ominous title, the surveyors would like to attempt to portray people who are strong decision-makers and confident in their own abilities as bad drivers. Evidently, they would have us believe that in order to be a good driver, one must be 80 years old and unable to pull out from a stop sign into traffic without second-guessing yourself three times and leaving the nose of your vehicle precariously in the lanes of oncoming cars. Or they would rather you be a humble, nervous wreck behind the wheel who leaves his turn signal on for two miles praying and hoping that some nice soul will let him in, even though the guy in the lane next to him has left him a gap large enough to drive the god-damned Arc-de-Triomphe through and he still won't move over because he's afraid that guy's going to close that gap just as soon as he "makes his move."

The group was broken down into three age groups, from 18 to 25 years old, 26 to 45 years old, and 46 to 59 years old. There were 19 men and 11 women in the study...

Sweet mother of pearl. 30 people you say? Wow. That's quite the survey. I haven't seen a more diverse polling population since my Mom asked the neighbors if they liked the food she brought with her to the block party. If you break it down, there couldn't have been more than four women per age group, and no more than six men per group. That's one thorough test. I think I could walk into a DMV at any time during operating hours and bump into more drivers than were present to take this very scientific and accurate poll.

...[the study was] commissioned by RightFind Technology, a company developing new products to help insurers make better decisions on auto insurance rates for specific drivers.

And just how does one develop a product to help insurers make better decisions about bad drivers? Are they going to put a camera in my car or something? What in the hell do they mean by products?!? If by "product" they mean "produce" bad data to give to stupid insurance companies, I'd guess they're right on track.

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