Monday, December 27, 2004

Happiness is...

Getting a new 20G iPod for Xmas and then buying yourself an FM transciever for it so you can listen to your own music on shuffle in your car.

Combined with today's lack of traffic due to the holidays, this has been the Best. Commute. EVER.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Pot, Meet Kettle #831

Normally, I try and keep politics off of this thing (hell, lately it seems like I'm trying to keep posts off of this thing), but since spelling errors have made the news lately (and a bit one sided, I might add), I just wanted to point out that this blade as two edges.

Exhibit A: A sign that Bush had no part in making.

Exhibit B: The entire state of New York not voting for John F. Kerry.

Which one, in your opinion, is a more egregious and politically important offense?

Monster Revenge

By now I'm sure you've all heard about the Monster Litigation Machine. Quick recap for those of you who haven't: A company that sells shitty RGB and coax cables is attempting to strongarm everyone and their moms for using the term "monster" in their company name, movie titles, etc.

So I have a simple proposition to the Board of Directors at Comcast:

Please sue the balls off of Monster Cable for the use of the word "Cable." You could afford to consider buying Disney, so you therefore have more money than god. Please take a moment to think about the Karmic bitch-slap you could deliver on behalf of America, and do the right thing here.

Thank you.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Children's Toy, or Pr0n Star?

So the wife and I were looking at Fisher Price's catalog for things to buy lil' Riley for Crimmas, and we came across the Rescue Heroes page. No, wait, don't click on it yet.

They've got these "teams" of Rescue Heroes, an action figure and their dog and/or robot, and they have the most rediculous names. It was Liz first who discovered that, indeed, they sounded more like the back of the box marketing details for a p0rno scene than they did a children's toy. So, without further ado, I ask you:

Pornstar Scene or Action Figure Playset?

Jack Hammer & Rivet
Gil Gripper & Goggles
CD Moon & Lift-off
Rocky Canyon & Tectonic
Ariel Flyer & E-Ject
Billy Blazes & Ember
I'll give you a hint: THEY'RE ALL ACTION FIGURE PLAYSETS. I know, and you know what? It gets worse. here's the list of the single figures:
Seymour Wilde
Kenny Ride
Red Wood
Sam Sparks
Back Hoe
Back Draft
Wendy Waters
Captain Cuffs
Al Pine
Ben Choppin
Uh, Fisher Price? The p0rn industry called. They want their lame naming convention back. No, seriously...Back Hoe??

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Not Getting It

Okay, is this a joke or not? Elite Designers Against Ikea.

Because if you're an "Elite Designer" and you're worried about Ikea stealing your business, well, you're not an Elite Designer.

Also, no Elite Designer in their right mind would sell this crap through their company store. The T-shirts aren't even ironic or retro. I'm going with "joke," even if these so-called elitists are dead serious.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Oh Elmo, We Hardly Knew Ye...

So, a couple of weeks ago, we headed to Babies R' Us, (or BRU for you folks with kids) to get Riley's Xmas picture taken. Yes, I swear to god, we'll put it up there for all to see. Hopefully, if you've been very, good this year, we'll send it to you in a Xmas card.

But I digress.

Does anyone remember back when Elmo was cute? Like, before he got horribly annoying? Keep in mind, I used to be a HUGE Elmo fan. Have the plushie, even have shoes. Because hey, if you were there at the beginning, you'll remember that he used to wear shoes, and would show them off. We're talking about the hardcore.

Remember Tickle-Me-Elmo? Remember how cute and fun that was? What was that, 1963? It's evidently been so long that Children's Workshop has decided that cute Elmo is passe, and now he needs to be hip, edgy, and completely out of touch with what parents want to give their kids. Allow me to present the 2004 Elmos, who evidently speak to America's youth, or at least the Marketing people claim:

Chicken Dance Elmo

No, you read that right. Check him out, in all of his glorious attempt to be some sort of mini-Big-Bird:

"Hey, Steve, that's not so bad," you're saying. Oh, but wait. Look closer young padawan. CLOSER.

The part you can't read there, is that he plays the entire Chicken Dance song ... AT HOME.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Pedophile Friendly Elmo

Okay, so I made that name up. But honestly, will you look at this thing?

And no, before you start pointing fingers, it wasn't me who pulled his underpants down.

For the first time in my life, I was downright terrified to push the "Try Me" button on his hand.

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