Friday, December 03, 2004

Oh Elmo, We Hardly Knew Ye...

So, a couple of weeks ago, we headed to Babies R' Us, (or BRU for you folks with kids) to get Riley's Xmas picture taken. Yes, I swear to god, we'll put it up there for all to see. Hopefully, if you've been very, good this year, we'll send it to you in a Xmas card.

But I digress.

Does anyone remember back when Elmo was cute? Like, before he got horribly annoying? Keep in mind, I used to be a HUGE Elmo fan. Have the plushie, even have shoes. Because hey, if you were there at the beginning, you'll remember that he used to wear shoes, and would show them off. We're talking about the hardcore.

Remember Tickle-Me-Elmo? Remember how cute and fun that was? What was that, 1963? It's evidently been so long that Children's Workshop has decided that cute Elmo is passe, and now he needs to be hip, edgy, and completely out of touch with what parents want to give their kids. Allow me to present the 2004 Elmos, who evidently speak to America's youth, or at least the Marketing people claim:

Chicken Dance Elmo

No, you read that right. Check him out, in all of his glorious attempt to be some sort of mini-Big-Bird:

"Hey, Steve, that's not so bad," you're saying. Oh, but wait. Look closer young padawan. CLOSER.

The part you can't read there, is that he plays the entire Chicken Dance song ... AT HOME.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Pedophile Friendly Elmo

Okay, so I made that name up. But honestly, will you look at this thing?

And no, before you start pointing fingers, it wasn't me who pulled his underpants down.

For the first time in my life, I was downright terrified to push the "Try Me" button on his hand.

Oh, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. Chicken Dance Elmo is last year's toy. It's passe. Forgotten. Over. It's all about Elmo and his poop now.

Jimmy loves Elmo, but man did they ruin Sesame Street when they turned the last half into "Elmo's World," Bill Irwin or no.
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