Monday, February 27, 2006

There's One Born Every Minute

Okay, if you think this pic is the genuine "alien symbiote" costume, you're a damned fool.

"You may think you're looking at a black and white photo." We are. Notice they do not say that we are not looking at a black and white photo.

"Look closely, Spider-Man wears a black suit in Spider-Man 3." Also notice that they are not saying that the suit he is wearing is the alien symbiote suit. They merely say that he wears "a black suit in Spider-Man 3." Which he will. Just not this one.

Don't believe the hype ladies and gentlemen. As a wiser man than me said: There's no reflection of a villain in his eye; it's a fake.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Winter Games

Once again the Winter Games are over and nobody watched, despite the lack of "controversy" (was I the only one who watched Bode Miller suck out loud?).

So, the gamer in me has decided the following suggestions might actually get people to y'know, WATCH the Winter Games:

1). Despite the fact that "figure skating" (scarequotes because they're no longer required to actually skate figures) is the most popular "sport," let's be honest, it's turned into a bunch of people prancing around on ice spinning. No, seriously, if you're a fan, ask yourself when the last time was they did anything other than A). spin in the air, or B). spin on the ground. Backflips are "illegal" in Olympic competition. Why? Are we afraid they're going to land on their heads on the ice? Fact is, it's become a god-damned bic razor competition, to see who can add an extra blade spin to their product jumps every 4 years. I don't care if it's called a triple sow cow or a toe loop. 99% of the viewers don't even know what the move is called, they only know they're spinning. Step 1 is: allow backflips, because when you allow people to get inverted, you're allowing a whole new axis of rotation, and you just might end up seeing shit this cool on ice. It's the Olympics for crying out loud. Let's stop worrying about them falling and let the world's best be the world's best.

2). Equalize the disparity between Alpine Skiing and Snowboarding rules. Snowboarding rewards "going big" by throwing out the lowest scoring of 2 runs (halfpipe/freestyle), whereas Skiing takes the average of both runs (downhill, slalom, super-G, whatever). So if you fall in one of your runs in Snowboarding, you're still in the mix. If you fall in Skiing, you're out. Reward aggressive skiing by adopting the Snowboarding scoring method. I'm sick of watching skiiers (from any country) get DQ'd because they jumped a gate, and eliminate themselves from medal contention because they're charging hard.

3). Stop pretending there's some kind of "international hockey community" and just put them on an NHL sized rink. If I have to hear another announcer comment "oh that guy plays on the Calgary Flames" or "there's a reason Finland's Penalty Killing shift is so good; they might as all be wearing Detroit Redwings jerseys" I'm going to shoot someone. It's all NHL players anyway, just put them on an NHL sized rink. Fuckit, just have them suit up in their NHL gear. Nobody watches that, either.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Why You Should all Love Dick Cheney

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." -- Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part III

"Hey, you wanna go hunt some quail?" -- Dick Cheney.

He's doing us a favor here, folks. Quitcherbitchin.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Much Ado

Look, I'm not one to just come out and call someone a liar, but is anyone else believing that Michelle Kwan is actually injured physically? Because I've seen athletes be injured enough to not participate in their chosen field. Ones who complain of groin muscle injuries typically have a certain gait or limp if you will, and I'm not seeing it with Ms. Kwan. Obviously, I'm no expert, but I've injured my crotchular region in that way enough times to recognize how people move when it happens to them.

Here's what I suspect is really going on: She wanted a gold, talked her way onto the team one last time, got there, saw the competition, got cold feet, fell a couple of times due to nerves, felt that her suspicions were confirmed and backed out. Because Olympic champions are people like that U.S. Snowboarder who has an arch injury and a broken hand and still managed to come in 4th place.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The Taste of a New Generation

Of water treatment employees, evidently.

Worst ad campaign award for the Superbowl goes to: Pepsi. "Brown and Bubbly" doesn't exactly make me think of delicious soda.

It makes me think of raw sewage.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Because I'm Lame

The Four Things Meme. It's been going around, and since I have nothing to say lately, I figured I'd participate in it. And I hate memes. So that should tell you just how lame I'm feeling of late.

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Greasy spoon worker
2. Computer Lab Tech
3. 2D Animator
4. Lead Motion Capture/Animator (includes being Motion Capture talent)

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. The Matrix
2. Desperado
3. Star Wars
4. Army of Darkness

Four places I’ve lived

1. Aurora, IL
2. DeKalb, IL
3. Raleigh, NC
4. Western Springs, IL

Four TV shows I love (And what I call them in my house)

1. Battlestar Galactica (BSG)
2. 24 (Viente Quatro)
3. Lost (oh shit it's Wednesday?!?)
4. The Office (The Trainwreck)

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. Walt Disney World, Orlando
2. San Francisco, California
3. Lake Taho, Utah
4. Ocho Rios, Jamaica

Four of my favorite dishes (and where to get them)

1. Mushroom Pasta (Key Wester)
2. Lasagna (home)
3. Tequila Chicken (home)
4. Turkey Panini (O'Donovan's)

Four sites I visit daily

1. Penny-Arcade
2. Kotaku
3. Hedonistica
4. The Superficial

Four places I would rather be right now

1. In bed.
2. Waterskiing in Jamaica again.
3. Skiing at Lake Taho again.
4. Playing with my daughter.

Four bloggers I am tagging

1. Jack
2. Tim
3. Gina
4. Liz (because she never posts)

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