Thursday, February 20, 2003
Life is Turning Into a Parody of Itself*
You know something's wrong when the witness accounts of 34 people being trampled at a gay club sounds a hella lot like a piece from The Onion:
"It was completely out of control. 500 Half-naked men cramming in and pushing up against each other just to dance to Whitney. All things considered, I'd do it again," said witness Bryan Hayes.
"There were boys jumping off the mezzanine level to get to the dance floor. It was literally raining men," quipped James Malone, another witness.
Not all found the stampede amusing. "I had made eye contact with this hot guy across the floor and he was trampled by the mob when that Whitney sing came on. I am so not getting laid now," complained one patron, Matt Denton.
"As soon as we heard the digitized 'beenlookinatyou,' it was pandemonium. The boys were pulling each other's hair just to get on the dance floor," said one of the injured, Jason Hinns. "I was hit in the head with a spiked heel."
"I blame the owners. They already let too many people in, to begin with. And then they go and play Whitney. What did they expect?" said angry patron Daniel Vega.
"I started playing the BigDrama remix of 'Whatchulookinat,' and before Whitney even got to the chorus, the place was overrun with people," said DJ Markus, a guest DJ who was spinning at Limelight. "I haven't seen anything like this since 'Like a Virgin' in '84."
[Update Edit] Hey, guess what kids? I'm so stupid I didn't know that the site this came from is in fact a parody site, but for gays. So, now everbody point and laugh at the dumb straight guy who doesn't know anything...very good.[/Edit]
* Title quote courtesy of Rick (who doesn't have a website to link to)
** Link via Emma via Gawker
