Sunday, May 18, 2003


I can't believe how tired I am.

Here's what got done today:

7:30 am: Got up. Took shower.

8:00 am: Meet brother-in-law at door; start working on tile backsplash for stove.

10:30 am: Finish installing tile on backsplash.

11:00 am: Begin trying to comprehend Wagner Power-Painter instructions.

11:15 am: Time's a-waistin'! Start throwing paint in the Wagner can and start spraying doors.

11:17 am: Become pissed when Wagner Power-Painter becomes Wagner Power-Spitter as it is now throwing globs of paint onto your door.

11:30 am: Curse Wagner and his entire progeny for making such an ass-tastic paint gun.

11:35 am: Wonder why you didn't just borrow your other brother-in-law's car-painting gun and the compressor, because, you know, air-guns don't fucking clog and spit paint like that.

11:45 am: Swear constantly for five straight minutes as the paint can on the Wagner Ass-Matic drops from its housing three feet straight down onto floor as a fountain of paint erputs from the impact of said can onto said floor which flies twenty fucking feet onto the goddamned driveway.

11:46 am: Wife is outside helping you clean white paint off of your black driveway.

12:00 am: Resume painting. Wonder aloud (with multiple curse words and phrases dashed in here and there) why any engineer in their right mind would make the paint can on a severely vibrating device *screw* into its housing. It's like asking a three year old to hold a gallon of milk. Sooner or later, it will drop.

12:00 am - 5pm. Continue painting doors. Adopt a strategy which has the Power-Puker spit globs of paint on your door (inbetween fine mists), and then proceed to quickly brush door to even out paint. It's not as fast as Power-Painting, but it's way faster than applying the paint with the brush.

5:30 pm: Wonder how in the hell you managed to paint ELEVEN DOORS in one day. Oh, and tile the backsplash, too.

5:30 - 7:00pm: Install all eleven doors. Wonder how you fucked some of them up so badly that they won't close now. Thrill at the added work this brings to your already tight schedule of having the house ready for sale by Wednesday.

7:30 pm: Return wet-saw to Home Depot that you rented from them last night. Wait at the tool-rental counter for half an hour because Home Depot still hasn't figured out that renting shit that costs $500 for about fifty bucks might be a popular idea. More than one guy working the counter on the weekends might be a good idea.

8:15pm: Try and grab dinner at Culvers. Forget that it's not fast food (just greasy), and sit in car for ten minutes waiting for food to show up.

9:30pm: Help Liz move more boxes into storage. Wash a load of laundry. Wonder how you got eleven doors painted in five hours, but how you haven't gotten jack shit done in the last five.

10:00pm: Tape off trim in kitchen for priming.

10:30pm: Prime most of the trim in kitchen. Worry that the chain-smoking owners who lived here before you have tainted this trim with their smoke. Try not to think about some of the other trim in the house that required five coats of paint to cover the tobacco stains that had accumulated over the past 13 years they lived here.

11:30pm: Quit working, and sit down at computer for a few minutes to just Blog your brains out.

I've been doing this pace for the past five days. My back feels like it's made out of knotted bricks, and it's not over yet.

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