Thursday, June 26, 2003

Cash Toilet

Yeah, so evidently I was cursed to just piss money down the drain today.

First, we have Exhibit A: Star Wars Galaxies, henceforth to be known as SWG. I decided since I love me some Star Wars concept artwork, that I would buy the Collector's Edition, and get the "From Pencils to Pixels" art book that came with said Collector's Edition. Among other useless trinkets like a patch, a pin, and a "collectible" "pewter" figurine, the marketing schpeil also indicated that there would be a manual "signed by the developers." As it turns out, the manual isn't really signed. The devs signed something, but it wasn't this manual. What you get on the back cover of the manual is a sort of metallic foil printing of whatever it was that the devs signed. So no, sorry, this doesn't qualify as being singed. A picture of signatures aren't actual signatures, Sony. Nice try.

The art book you receive is full of all the drawings you could have downloaded off the website during their Beta teasers days. Then, they filled the remaining pages with faces from the Character Creation portion of the game, and renders of the worlds in which you're about to play. In case the devs at SWG hadn't noticed: I uh, bought the game, guys. In fact, I had to open the damn game to get out this printed book that has pictures of what the game would look like if I were, you know, able to play it.

It turns out that the art book was in there for a reason. When you're a development company that didn't bother planning for 400,000 presales (which have been sold for well over two months now), you need to entertain the people who just got done throwing about $120 at you (Collector's Edition game price + three month subscription), so why not give them a book that shows what it would look like if they were somehow able to play your game? It's brilliant, really. Not only do you rake in money, you don't even need to give them a game to play! To hell with login servers that work! Game servers? Who needs 'em!? Throw an art book at 'em!

Then, we have the Braun Electric Flex Razor. I had this brilliant idea on the way home. I was going to buy me an electric razor! You know, the Braun one that comes with the base and automatically cleans itself? Surely this electric shaving would prove to be more efficient, more convenient, and eventually cheaper than buying disposable razors. At $109, I'm not sure what I was thinking.

I had my doubts about using an electric shaver. When I was younger, I insisted on having one because I kept nicking my face with the disposable razors, and my dad used an electric. So the folks bought me my first (and until now only) electric shaver, and I proceeded to start shaving with it. Then it grabbed a rogue hair that evidently had the tensile strength of teflon or titanium or tungsten steel or some other tough "T" word, because the shaver just kept pulling on the hair until the blades reached something softer to cut, like my skin. I had a giant (3mm) patch of skin missing where the hair follicle used to be, now sucked up inside of the razor.

But Braun makes the best stuff! Surely Braun wouldn't let me down! So home I went with the Braun Flex Somethingorother and got it plugged in and charged up. An hour ago I started shaving with it. About 30 minutes later I was finished, with nicks in my neck (not as big as before!), but more importantly, I still needed a shave. It seems that electric shavers handle flat surfaces pretty darn well, since my cheeks were quite smooth, but surfaces like the neck area under the chin didn't fare so well. In fact, I'd say that the Braun Flex Doodad sucks ass at shaving anything but your cheeks.

But man, it sure is clean! Automated cleaning and recharging for a useless piece of technology! Woooo!

The manual says you have to use the Braun Electric Shaver for two to three weeks before your beard adjusts to using it. I'm not sure I can shave twice a day for three weeks. I mean, isn't this supposed to be faster, cleaner, and easier than shaving just once? I know I'm not a math wiz, but even I can see there's a problem with the numbers here.

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