Thursday, June 19, 2003

Life, The Not So Funny Game

So I'm sick with an ongoing sinus infection and we still haven't been able to find a house yet. While either of these is quite unfun in a mutually exclusive way, they become some sort of amazing duo when paired.

First off, I am always amazed at my sinuses' ability to produce...stuff. This isn't what you're thinking. It's not like we're talking about boogers or snot or whatever. Think Spider-Man. I've got like web-fluid or something coming out of my sinuses. This stuff is so solid and stringy you'd swear it wasn't human. I am Peter Parker's arch nemesis, painfully blowing webbing out my nose (it's like a mini-birth, 25 times daily!) in an attempt to thwart him and steal the crimefighting glory for the pictures in the Daily Bugle.

Second, ReMax can go fuck themselves. Two times now we've either been "out-bid" or simply not even allowed to bid on a house because both the seller and buyer were ReMax. The first time there was an offer on the table, which we beat by five thousand dollars (let me re-iterate: five thousand), and we lost the contract because of our closing contingency on our house. This was on the very first day the house was on the market. Who in the hell who gets two offers on the very first day takes the lower offer, and doesn't at least let the two parties see how high they're willing to spend? ReMax, that's who. This house was sold before it even went on the market.

The second house we didn't even get to see. It sold an hour (one) after it was on the market. Again, ReMax seller and ReMax buyer. I should also point out that both agents worked in the same office. If you're going to broker deals like this for your clients, do the rest of us a favor, and don't even bother putting the house on the market. I know what you're doing, ReMax. You're trying to show how "effective" you are at winning contracts for your clients. But all you're doing is pissing people who aren't already with ReMax off.

Do you think I'm going to switch my agent so that you can use your dick-in-everyone's-ass marketing techniques to sell me a house? I'd rather firebomb your office, actually.

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