Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Dear McDonald's

I'm not lovin' it. In fact, I'm hatin' it, and wishin' you would be stoppin' it. Your commercials make my thumb go all spastic in a desperate attempt to change the channel before I have to hear that already bad R 'n B song made worse by your desperate last-ditch attempt to corner the "urban" market since white-bred suburbia has finally woken up and realized that your food makes us fat.

And while we're on the subject, in a more general public service announcement to marketing execs everywhere: "izzle" is no longer cool. "Izzling" words (i.e. "For sure" = "Fo shizzle" or "old school" = "old skizool") was fun for a lot of us as it was a great way to make fun of how ridiculous it sounded coming out of rapper's mouths. Now seeing Snoop Dog in AOL's new 9.0 commercial saying "Now just wait one minizzle [minute]," and having to hear that annoying Nanny in the Old Navy ads say the sentence I Dare Not Repeat makes me cringe to hear its very uncoolness. Look, if you're having a rapper who used to use the expression seriously spoofing the use of "izzle," you've defined parody, and by the definition of parody, that term is now dead. Let it rest in pizeace peace. Please.

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