Friday, January 09, 2004

It's the Other Princess Diana

Last night Liz and I were talking about how LAME WITH LAME SAUCE the Justice League cartoon is (and really, what asshats did they hire to do these episodes, anyway?!), when we started making fun of Wonder Woman.

A). When the fuck did she start flying?! When I was a kid, it was always the invisible plane (which admittedly, is much worse).

B). She might as well stop using the lasso. Every time she whips out the rope and throws it around someone, they just send a bolt of electricity up the wire, or they're bigger than her so they just yank on it, and she doesn't let go and gets thrown into a wall, or whatever. Every time she thinks about using the Lasso, she might as well just put it away, paint a huge fucking target on her chest and stand still for a minute. The result would be the same. In fact, she needs to just put a post-it note on the lasso that says "just stand there and let them punch you, stupid," because she obviously can't recall the last beat-down she suffered from an attempted lasso use.

C). Superman actually saved her from having a lampost fall on her. Not thrown at her, nor swung at her with super-heroic force. It just started tipping over from being damaged previously, and she was standing underneath it. Superman was all "DIANA!!!" and flew over to knock her out of the way. This had to be the stupidest thing I've ever seen in any super-hero show. Ever. And it wasn't even like, some old Victorian era lead lampost. It was one of those new-fangled aluminum modern ones that if it fell on your car it wouldn't even dent the hood. In fact, I think a mortal human could catch one if it fell at them. This is like you or I having to be saved because someone's drinking straw wrapper was falling on us. Later, she of course was punched by Superman in the face repeatedly, thrown through walls, had large things hurled into her, electrocuted, etc. But thank god Superman saved her from that lampost.

D). (Liz pointed out this last one, which is I know has been rehashed to death by the hard-core historians): If she's an Amazonian, shouldn't she like, only have one boob? And fire a bow? Isn't Princess Diana (daughter of Athena) really the Greek (or Roman, we can't remember which is which) version of Artemis, the goddess of shooting shit with arrows? So this proper description of what Princess Diana should look like inspired me to do some wicked-assed fanart which I need to get off my fat behind and do. One breasted true Amazonian Wonder Woman with a bow instead of a weak throw-me-into-the-wall-again lasso. And no invisible plane, either.

E). Liz: "Why is Batman always so damn grumpy."
Me: "Hey, you'd be pissed off too if the rest of your team was this incompetent and stupid."

(This counts in a Wonder Woman bitch-fest entry, as she's part of the team he's always so pissed off about. Ha!)

So, Wonder Woman fanart forthcoming. But first, I've got a backlogged Wolverine sketch to do.

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