Sunday, February 29, 2004

Pit Crew

So I'm sure by now everyone's familiar with the woman who "gave birth" to six babies in under sixty seconds.

I'm not that impressed. At first I was floored that anyone could possibly push out that many kids in under a minute. I mean, I know they're small and all when it's sextuplets, but that still would have been impressive.

But it was a C-section, which means that the woman didn't give birth to six kids in sixty seconds, they were pulled from her abdomen in rapid succession by a team of experts. So the credit (and the headlines) should read "Medical Pit Crew removes six babies in under sixty seconds." I'm not saying the feat is unimpressive; I'm saying let's at least give credit where the credit was due. It's not like she became pregnant with this litter of children without medical science's intervention, and she certainly didn't deliver them.

And besides, this could set a dangerous precident. The Pit Crews at Indy can change four tires in under 15 seconds. I'm sure with a few clinics, and instructional seminars, they could get the doctors' time way down.

* And can I just pause for a second to say that "six babies in sixty seconds" sounds like some nightmarish sequel wherein Tom Selleck, Ted Dansen, and Steve Gutenberg all team up with Nicholas Cage, who has now given up on his life of crime and turned into an OB, and they're forced by the mob to steal six babies in under a minute. Hilarity ensues.

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