Sunday, March 05, 2006

Dear Hollywood

You've completely lost touch with reality.

I don't care about your politics (even when they might happen to agree with mine). I watch movies and tune into your stupid poorly produced awards show to be entertained. If I want politics (or even jokes alluding to them) I'll watch The Daily Show. Don't bring The Daily Show to me. I've seen it already. I'll tune in if I'm interested, thanks.

I don't care if you're losing money (or really, just not lining your pockets with gold this year. As I understand things you're still making money, just not hand over fist). How many times are you going to try and bag on people for buying your own DVDs in one awards show? You want me to watch your work on the big screen? Make 2 tickets and a popcorn cheaper than buying the DVD. Because I can pay to watch it once or I can pay less to own it, pause it, rewind it, and watch it again. Save the sob story. Do the math.

You want me to not watch your movie at home? Make going to the theater a more compelling experience than sitting in front of my DLP (soon) widescreen TV with surround sound, where I don't have to listen to teenagers talking loudly behind me or an arrogant ass answering her phone and actually carrying on a conversation in front of me. Nobody's drunk in my house unless I want them to be. My floors aren't sticky, and I know who's been sitting in my seats before me. No, really, convince me how going to your house is somehow better?

You want to know what the definition of condescending is? Telling us that movies like Ben Hur and Star Wars can't be "appreciated" on the television, and then show us those movies and more on our television sets. Fuck. You. With a chainsaw.

"A Return to Glamor"? If 36 Mafia is a "return to glamor," I'd hate to see the gutter Oscar crawled out of last year.

We're through. I'm done caring. Not even John Stewart can save you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an .avi of Syriana to suffer through.

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